For me, I would go months without drinking or sometimes I was able to have only one or two. I prioritized my life just fine and I felt fine. But eventually it would happen and it would throw me into a state of mental chaos whether I was sober or not. It's something I have a hard time keeping in perspective, that I don't have to constantly be on a bender in order to have a drinking problem. I have no desire to try controlled drinking because, unlike many other alcoholics I know, I know I COULD pass that test if I wanted to, I could toe the line. The problem is that eventually I won't want to anymore. Best of luck to you.