I am a "high bottom" as well, young also (21), alcoholism/addiction runs in my family. I work the AA program so a lot of what I say will come from that, just FYI. Anyway, part of me still wonders if I'm serious enough to need help, if I can go back out and control my drinking. Today I was asked if I had tried "controlled drinking" and my answer was immediately NO, that I didn't want to do that. When prompted why, I confessed that I didn't want to find out what would happen, I was scared of what I might do or if I would even be able to do it. They pointed out that most people wouldn't be scared at the prospect of only one drink. I am. That revealed a lot to me. Even though there were times I had one drink, or periods where I didn't drink at all, there were many where I would drink to blackout even if it wasn't my intention. It's a progressive disease and it will escalate over time. Look back and see if you notice progression in your drinking history. My sponsor had to point out my marked (and rather quick) progression. I had never noticed.
Alcohol changes who I am as a person, sober or drunk. I lost a lot of myself mentally when I crossed over into dangerous drinking territory. I became violent, suicidal, manipulative, even more depressed, even more anxious, even more detached. That was my bottom. I'm a successful student, never in trouble legally, never lost anything tangible, I don't have the war stories. Maybe I could learn to control myself as I get older. But there's also a chance that I will never be able to and I'll ride that elevator all the way down. For a host of reasons, that's a risky gamble for me to take and it isn't worth it. My entertainment of the idea of drinking again is proof of my mental obsession.
I hope you find what you're looking for here. I'm fairly new and already it's nice to have people who are helpful and to skim threads and relate. Look for the similarities, not the differences. Still working on that myself. Don't overwhelm yourself with "the rest of your life" thoughts. The next right thing, one day at a time. Congrats on 22 days! x