I too am trying to find my way back from a moderation experiment...although experiment does not feel like the right term. Despite mounds of evidence to the contrary, I too somehow believed that I could somehow control something I have never been able to (and in ways never wanted to). Truth is, on many occasions it was the lack of control I was actually seeking in certain circumstance. Perhaps not on drink one...but it soon became the mission once alcohol hits the bloodstream. Take me away...get me higher...make me forget...turn me into someone new.
Leaving the barstool permanently is the only safe option...yet convincing certain parts of ourselves is tough business.