Originally Posted by
asm505 
ok. Every time I make my mind up that I am finished with my marriage and moving towards divorce, I get fearful and back down. Today was a bad day for this till I decided to write down all the reasons that my marriage is not acceptable to me. Made me realize that even if the alcohol issue was cleared up, there are a ton of other issues. I put this list in my desk at work to refer to when I am feeling uncertain.
I probably seem a little indecisive right now but at this point, I am 100% sure of my decision and I must move forward and push out my fear.
Just what I need. I go back-and-forth, and back-and-forth. But emotionally, I am drained. We have a super codependent relationship, and there is a new thought crossing my mind. In 8 years, we did not have any kids, and although this might be a great thing considering alcoholism, I have this really strong feeling that in the end, I will be taking care of him like you take care of a little baby. And then I have this impression that he wants to be taken care of.
A month ago, we had a little verbal encounter. Not as bad as before, but he said I was just like his mom, that I want to control everybody, which really got me: and I told him that nobody will ever call me a mom, and that was the difference between her and me.
BTW, I think I hear my biological clock ticking. I am 34. You know, a marriage really sucks when you do not dare to have a kid with your partner.
Then there are the moments of peace when I forget, when he is super nice and caring, but alcohol is always there.
So yeah, write it out,
in red ink.