Our visitors arrived last night about half an hour before my A. Now we haven't seen this couple for about 3 months or so.
I was enjoying hearing their news, moans, funny stories while we made drinks and got settled.
As soon as my A arrived the dynamics of the conversation changed completely. She came in and started telling a very involved story that took about 3/4 of an hour. There was this HUGE personality over-riding everyone and everything, even when I tried to speak she would just speak over me.
I found this really rude. You show an interest in your visitors, ask them how they are, how life is treating them etc before blabbing a big self-centred story to them.
I found myself clenching my teeth and getting annoyed. But, of course, I didn't say anything, did I?
Later when they'd gone and I was almost asleep she said "I'll get you to bed now"
Hmmm. Who's the adult here? Annoyed again.
Then she looked at me and said, "I love you so much!"
See, I think the important things here are
1 I found this stuff smothering, annoying, rude.
2 I didn't say anything
3 I'm building resentments
4 I'm LETTING these things happen!
When she said that she loved me, I would normally still have been irritated. I
think last night I managed to detach from the 4 things above and realise, that yes, she does love me and I love her and I shouldn't be missing the opportunity to appreciate it. She is doing these annoying things because I've allowed it in the past.
Resentments fester; if I don't allow them to build they can't come and bite me on the bum!!!!
I can change things slowly and by little chunks and I can change the way we are together.
Am I finally starting to get this? Could it be that the conselling sessions are worthwhile and I should never moan about going again
This stuff works - hooray!
Jane
xxxx