This reminds me of each time I've relapsed. We sometimes remember what it did FOR us instead of what it did TO us. By remembering my last drunk (many consecutive days of non-stop drinking followed by immense shaking, depression and suicidal thoughts) I remember how BAD it was. I still remember what it did for me sometimes, but have developed this habit of remembering of how I felt then compared to how I feel now with 13 months sobriety--and there's no comparison.
Best of luck! Keep reaching out--this site has really helped me!