My last alcoholic drink was Sunday, making this the third night. I feel really uncomfortable, tense and anxious but I know what that is about and I'm not remotely tempted to drink to 'fix' that, which it would, temporarily. So instead I will post here before going to bed and reading for what will probably be a couple of hours..or more.
One way of looking at the build up to addiction to alcohol it seems to me is that mild withdrawal symptoms are what sets it up in the first place. Arguably habitual drinking is all about relieving the beginnings of withdrawal. The added hook is the pleasure over and above the relief. I suspect many regular and borderline problem drinkings are constantly trying to manage that balancing act. Many of us, including me, let it all get out of hand.
Personally I have been a life long drinker. I've had a few breaks - a year here, six months there, but I have never managed to be 'over and done' with it. It seems some part of me has liked it that bit too much to let it go.
Of late though my drinking has created such high levels of anxiety in me during the day (I have always done my drinking in the evenings) that I just want to be shot of the whole damn mess. The period leading up to Sunday was truly horrendous - my 'nerves' screaming all day just waiting for the relief of the wine to come in the evening. That is no way to live.
Anyway I feel determined. I feel 'beat' too. I hope it is the sort of 'beat' that means I don't have the strength to get up and have another go at managing booze, because I can't manage it. It will beat me every time. I didn't used to know what that really meant but I think I do now.
I can only walk away from it with a determination to never drink again, even if 'my ass is on fire'.
Apologies for the length of the post and thanks for your patience.