Hi Luna, welcome to sr, some very sensible words just stated.
I'm ashamed to say I was the drinker, well we both were but husband stopped I didn't..
It got worse and worse, I secretly wanted to control my drinking but not enough to stop.
It took a shock for me when my husband left me, due to another issue, but I realised I wanted a relationship with him more than I did with drink.
It's taking a while to get my marriage back, although we reconciled quite quickly, that was the easy part. I've found in recovery I drank to cover up past things I couldn't cope with.
My dad drank and he could be a monster to my mum and us when drunk, but a lovely father when sober, jeckyl and Hyde.
I hope you can find help and assistance to do what is right for you.