It says you have to go to any lenght to get it(recovery). and You are doing it. Tomorrow or in the evening when your husband's home and all seems ok, you will pat yourself in the back for recognizing your AV and not giving in. seems like your beast is not happy about the decision you made, you said(kicking myself because of my missed opportunity! ).
recognize it for what it is the AV still playing games on you.
I use both AVRT and AA and Meds to keep my sobriety for the time being.
Whatever it takes.