"Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same."
(lillamy)
I hate so much you are going through this - trying to balance what is helping and what is enabling with our children has always been the hardest area for me.
The statement above from your signature line truly sums it up.
I know for my girls, I had to start with a balance of some type of accountability and some consequences for their actions or lack of actions for them to understand this is how life is going to work as an adult. I didn't start this soon enough for them and it caused problems when I started this slowly in their teenage & early adult years but now we have seemed to find a semi happy medium on what works for us in our relationships.
Mine are all grown & on their own and we are doing this again with our granddaughter & I'm trying to remember these principles.
Maybe her therapist could offer some suggestions too? Especially since now she has the understanding that your daughter may not have been completely upfront with her about all that is going on with her school life ?
Just remember, today if you decide to do things one way and it doesn't seem to be working, you always have the option to try something different tomorrow ~ you & your daughter have choices & options.
Wishing you both the best
and
please take good care of you!!