Originally Posted by
DoubleDragons 
On a housekeeping note _ I understand that this part of SR is not frequented as much as the other parts. I want to give others a chance to join in and share their experiences without quickly jumping to the next step.
Please, others, feel free to join us and let's help each other heal!
A very good point. I have no expectations on how long each step will take. I'm very much of the 'sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly' school of thought. As for others... the more the merrier IMO, for whatever that's worth.
Control is a big issue for me too. I'd often been accused of it, needless to say I denied it, but I denied it through ignorance. In the same way I fell of my chair when I read the laundry list, I certainly slipped towards the floor when I read what controlling behaviour can look like.
Unbeknown to me, on a conscious level, I carried a deep sense of shame. A sense of not being good enough. However, I tried to control others opinion of me by manipulation. Manipulating what people saw of me, controlling what I would allow them to know. I find recently I've slipped back into that behaviour because I can't stand people seeing my pain.
Not unsurprisingly this sense of shame seems inversely proportional to the actual painful experience i.e. the more minor the issue, the greater the shame. My critical self will say "look you can't even stop/do that".
Yep... control is a tough one for me, in more ways than I've just described.
M