Codie or parent?
DD15 is wicked intelligent. And failing freshman year of HS with a loud bang. I've managed to get one profoundly gifted kid graduated from high school but this one is questionable. She has no internal motivation. She enjoys classes and teachers are telling me they're frustrated because she gets things quickly, she simply doesn't do homework (lies about it to me) and fails tests even though she know the materials. One teacher wants her IQ tested and on an IEP because she thinks it's got to do with the way she learns. DD herself volunteers that she's just lazy and doesn't see the point of school.
She has zero confidence after having been her father's emotional garbage can her entire life. In the year she's been away from him, she's grown and stabilized but also rebelled and simply won't do the work necessary.
School says she has the option of doing a fifth year of HS. My parents think this is a good option - less pressure, give her more time to work through her emotional garbage. Her therapist is pissed, says "she's never talked about having any problems with school and I'm frankly wondering if she's successfully lied to me for almost a year."
Husband has another take - he says I may simply need to show her the natural consequences of her actions and tell her she has four years (including summer school) to graduate with our full support; after that, she will move out, support herself, and, if she hasn't yet finished HS, it's up to her to find a way to do it.
I'm too upset to think straight. The idea of kicking a kid out of the house when she has one year left of HS breaks my heart and goes against every fiber of my mom being. But I have to admit I'm not sure if this feeling is based in good parental love or codependency?
She is the one kid who has taken on her father's way of handling conflict - screaming, cursing, shouting people down and calling them names. At the same time, she has the biggest heart of all my kids.
I am exhausted. I told my husband yesterday that she is taking almost as much energy from me as her father did. And that I'm neglecting myself and my health and my needs and half-assign my job NOT TO MENTION putting the other kids on the back burner because I don't have enough energy for all of them.
Any insights from those of you who have had children with an A or those of you who are ACOAs? I can see rationally that the pressure of "you have three years to get your sh*t together" may be exactly what she needs - but I'm afraid I won't be able to follow through on the threat of kicking her out at 18 if she doesn't (and I also think she knows this).
Help? Thoughts? Ideas?