Thank you, guys. The more I am coming to understand alcoholism, the more I realize it's such a mental craziness. I try not to let the words and lies sink into me but it's hard. Stepping off the insane abuse cycle is easier said than done.
He was caught stealing meds and confronted by co-workers, then suddenly had an enlightenment that he was an addict/alcoholic and needed rehab. So yes, forced. By that time, I was finished and the divorce process had started. He thought I would reconcile then, but I was just done. His voice messages from rehab were insane. I finally had to call his therapist at the center to try to intervene. I guess I've just been still obsessing (one of MY issues) over whether this is "normal" addict stuff, mental illness, personality disorder or
abuser jackassery. I like to label things and I guess little controller me might just have to accept that I'll never know, and to let go.
So, truly sober is questionable. It's really only a matter of time.
But as for me, I love the steps and love Al Anon. I guess just don't see how it's possible to get past Step Four and still be blaming your ex-wife for ruining your life.