Early recovery is hard, but until you push through that and get to the good stuff you can't have any idea about what recovery is.
I know - you were sober for some years.
Being sober without working on the things that drove you to drink in the first place is torture I agree.
You're judging being both drunk and being sober with the same underlying issues. It's no wonder you're unhappy.
What can you do about these underlying issues?
That's up to you, and how much you accept you can do something about them and how much you want to.
D