Originally Posted by
iamthird 
I have been taking steps to get my life back...I just moved to an apartment today. I finally moved from the house I shared with separated AH. I think maybe subconsciously, as long as I stayed there, there was maybe a hope that he would come home one day?
Anyhow, I am not in a good financial position after my illness. I was proud of myself because I make good money but my credit is poor but because I had a good reference from my employer and documented my illness to explain credit issues I was able to find an apt to let me pay half deposit and spread rest over time. I got the apartment all by myself without ever even mentioning a word to separated AH. Finally I had to tell him because our 6 year old had been to new place with me and I knew she would be mentioning it. He seemed surprised that I made all the arrangements. I called movers because I dont have the physical ability to endure still which is a side effect of chemo. My equilibrium is off and I dont have physical strength that I used to. So he offered to move me to save me the moving expense. I asked a few friends thoughts and all of them knowing how bad I have struggled financially sad its not a bad idea and he offered and think of it as helping our daughter, etc. So I took him up on it.
Today was hell. I was belittled. I was called stupid idiot. The way I packed wasnt right, I didnt unpack fast enough. He broke a lamp and dinged my dining room table to where its obvious and he said "oh well" and I should be grateful for his help! I felt like saying "this is what you SHOULD be doing!!"
In and out of tears todat. Im a bad mom according to him, etc...He literally said I should be moved on already because he "left my a$$" 2 years ago right before mothers day, etc...i am sorry! For a year and a half of that time I was fighting for my life.
I am upset tonight. I am upset for so many reasons. Mainly because I let him in to help and expected he would be a normal human being when i know he is an active A and progressively getting worse all the time. I think basically he is just threatened I am moving forward! Seriously, he was probably so surprised I had everything arranged without him and the money I would have spent on movers would have avoided this emotional drama.
It is so hard to hear him continue to be verbally, emotionally abusive! I hate knowing that he still has the ability to make me come unglued. I just need to get further and further away from him and I guess this apartment was a great new start. I know it will get better. I just feel like I went through WWIII right now.
Oh my goodness, I am Third. You deserve a big hug today for enduring that!! Dont let his selfish and idiodic words get to you. You are smart, beautiful, loving person who deserves to be appreciated for your qualities. Your daughter is very lucky to have you. It is natural to want to have a relationship with your child's father if nothing more than to parent more effectively and it seems he is trying to burn every bridge that you form. Don't buy in to his alcoholic quacks! He is unfortunately preying on your weaknesses and bullying you. Recognize his words for what they are.... quack, quack, quack. No one deserves to be treated in the manner you were. When you are stronger it may help to set a boundary. If he is not going to respect you, then he needs to leave. It will be much easier to do this now that you have your own place. Sometimes when you stand up to bullies and they see it doesnt affect you the way they want, they stop. Surround yourself with all the people who appreciate you and make you feel good about yourself.
Hugs from me!!