I'm glad you're back Lance.
Was this the dinner you posted you were apprehensive about and worried over coming out as an alcoholic?
I don't think relapses are inevitable and I definitely don't think they're the best way to learn, but we can learn from them if we set our mind to it.
I hope you can make this your turning point - do the work and put in the effort...the next time you find yourself against the wall, as we all do, you'll be glad you did
D