Hi Lance
WOW!
You sound exactly like me. Last June I went through withdraw and it was horrifying. I stayed sober for 9 months. After that period, the stinking thinking kicked in, I thought I probably could drink a couple of beers and quit, no such thing, I went back to heavy drinking immediately. In one week I ended up in the ER three times! I never done before, drank in the morning Then I started to do something that I never done before, I was waiting in line at the local liquor store waiting for it to open. I was up to 18-20 beers a day. I isolated myself in my room and drank, lost total interest in anything other than alcohol.
I even would drink up my emergency supply that I kept under the bed, knowing well that I would get the shakes. Well about 2 weeks ago (while I was drinking) withdraw symptoms kicked in, the granddaddy of them all. I had my first seizure, paced back forth, shook so bad that I couldn't even pick up a glass, it was absolute living HELL! Went to the ER again, and then spent 12 days in detox. For the very first time, I now understand that I can never drink again. I'm 2 days out of detox and depressed as hell. But today I forced myself to leave the house. We can make it Brother, pick up the pieces. We have a disease as deadly as cancer. It will be a life-long battle, we will never be cured. You need lots of positive support and determination. Yes, it was no longer relaxing to drink and it tasted like S__T. But I couldn't get enough of it.
Like I said, pick up the pieces, today is a new day. And most off all, get rid of any guilt you may have for screwing up, feelings like that can cause you to reach for another drink. Stay strong and God Bless.
Chicagoan