Hi Confused, I can tell by your post how much this is dominating your life, and I'm not surprised because you don't have a resolution. He is stringing you along, in that he won't let you go, keeping you on the hook by telling you how much he loves you. No wonder your head's spinning.
Look at his actions, not his words.
- WORDS; He tells you he loves you more than ever. ACTIONS; he's moved out so he can drink in peace.
- He won't go to counselling, and isn't planning to stop drinking my any method.
- His actions make it clear that drinking comes first.
He is an untreated alcoholic and he's not planning to do anything about it. At least he's honest. Until you really believe that, you won't be able to move on. He's already made his choice, it's just that you can't see it.
You have some choices too, and they should be based on you knowing that he's not going to stop drinking, and he's not working on stopping. You can hang off his every action and word and base your life on his actions, like the faithful tragic heroine of a sad book, OR you can make plans to begin to live a good life without him, because he's already gone.
Once you make that decision, at least you'll have a plan and something to work on. I know it's terribly painful but it will get better, and look how you are now.
You are waiting for counselling, which is good. Have you been to Alanon yet? If not, please consider it because there will be a lot of people there who understand your pain. Also try very hard to go 'non-contact', unless absolutely necessary. If you do speak to him, keep it about practical arrangements. You can question him for years and you won't get any answers.
ATM he's getting all the benefits. You're hanging on his words, and he still gets to do exactly what he wants. If there is any hope for recovery he has to feel some consequences.
I'm thinking of you; I know from my own experience how painful it is, but at least I had a clean break.