Update: I Am Third
I have been taking steps to get my life back...I just moved to an apartment today. I finally moved from the house I shared with separated AH. I think maybe subconsciously, as long as I stayed there, there was maybe a hope that he would come home one day?
Anyhow, I am not in a good financial position after my illness. I was proud of myself because I make good money but my credit is poor but because I had a good reference from my employer and documented my illness to explain credit issues I was able to find an apt to let me pay half deposit and spread rest over time. I got the apartment all by myself without ever even mentioning a word to separated AH. Finally I had to tell him because our 6 year old had been to new place with me and I knew she would be mentioning it. He seemed surprised that I made all the arrangements. I called movers because I dont have the physical ability to endure still which is a side effect of chemo. My equilibrium is off and I dont have physical strength that I used to. So he offered to move me to save me the moving expense. I asked a few friends thoughts and all of them knowing how bad I have struggled financially sad its not a bad idea and he offered and think of it as helping our daughter, etc. So I took him up on it.
Today was hell. I was belittled. I was called stupid idiot. The way I packed wasnt right, I didnt unpack fast enough. He broke a lamp and dinged my dining room table to where its obvious and he said "oh well" and I should be grateful for his help! I felt like saying "this is what you SHOULD be doing!!"
In and out of tears todat. Im a bad mom according to him, etc...He literally said I should be moved on already because he "left my a$$" 2 years ago right before mothers day, etc...i am sorry! For a year and a half of that time I was fighting for my life.
I am upset tonight. I am upset for so many reasons. Mainly because I let him in to help and expected he would be a normal human being when i know he is an active A and progressively getting worse all the time. I think basically he is just threatened I am moving forward! Seriously, he was probably so surprised I had everything arranged without him and the money I would have spent on movers would have avoided this emotional drama.
It is so hard to hear him continue to be verbally, emotionally abusive! I hate knowing that he still has the ability to make me come unglued. I just need to get further and further away from him and I guess this apartment was a great new start. I know it will get better. I just feel like I went through WWIII right now.