You have to gut through some tough first weeks. You have to face emotions you have stuffed for a long time. It is not easy, but it is very much worth it.
I am a mother of four, too. My mother has become a full-blown alcoholic. Last Mother's Day, she showed up to a brunch in her honor so wasted, she fell into a potted plant. I had to spend my mother's day explaining to my children that their grandmother is an alcoholic. I vowed that day, that my children would never, ever have to worry about an event like that in their lives, regarding me being drunk. The only way I can guarantee that promise is to not drink.
I have been sober going on eight months. Is every day balloons and flowers and ease and love and peace? No. But every day, is full and healthy and dignified and connected to God and others. It is real and I can look myself in the mirror knowing that I am trying my absolute best for myself and my children, whom I chose to bore.
You can do this!!