That was my line about the dance.
There are books, one is "The Dance of Intimacy" one is "The Dance of Anger." I think there is a third...they helped me a lot to detach from the crazy that is my FOO. It was what finally got it through my thick skull that just because they sing their crazy song, doesn't mean I have to get up and move. (I'm paraphrasing in my own words here...I read them 30 years ago.) I began to move/react in a new way and the dynamics shifted dramatically in the relationship(s), not to mention that I felt a lot better about myself.
Xanax hits the same receptors that alcohol hits. For an alcoholic, unless detoxing, Xanax is a slippery slope , yeah - that's what happened.