I know how you feel and I don't know what you should do about it as I am still struggling too. Maybe you could write him a letter/an email and tell him what you want him to tell. So you get these things out of your mind, find some kind of closure but you don't have to face him or talk to him.
I think it would be best though if I didn't talk to him at all. I'm paying the price already for my idiotic decision to get more involved. I feel like I caught some sort of virus.
I agree with that, even though it's very hard to do.
Hang in there! It does get better
(((hugs)))