I agree with the above posts. The stress of it all just chips away your feelings over time. The fear, anxiety, all of it. You have a right to feel how you feel, just remember that.
I can even remember telling my XAH over the past couple of years several times that what he is doing is making me not love him anymore. He made the choices he made, now I have made the choice to be free of him. I will never be totally free of dealing w/him b/c we have two children. However, I am free not to have a relationship with him, and that feels good.
XXX