Ann

Thank, Zoso, for sharing so honestly something we speak about here often when moving on to new relationships. Sick attracts sick and healthy attracts healthy. How simple that sounds but when we are sick, the people who understand best and connect are others who are sick. Once we take time to heal, get healthy, do some self-reflection on what is and is not okay in our relationships, we become healthy and then we notice and are attracted to others who have the same healthy goals in life, healthy boundaries, and share themselves in relationships in a healthy way.

I have heard so many times here, from friends I who went through several bad relationships before they found a good one...I have heard them say "My picker was broken, I just could not pick healthy if my life depended on it." Some went from sick to different kind of sick, one friend who comes to mind went from a man who neglected her more and more over time to a man who was obsessively possessive...see how that kind of change would attract her at first? But it was sick to sicker in her case.

She took time to heal, she went to meetings and found her balance in working the 12 steps that saved her from herself, and today she is married to a wonderful man who is healthy and kind and sharing and supportive and fun to be with...just like she is.

Don't beat yourself up for choosing unwisely, Zoso, as sick as your attraction to her initially may seem now, what is important is that today you have your balance, you ARE healthy and capable of making healthy choices and you are wiser for the journey. That's the way most of us learn, from the school of hard knocks.

I hope she will back off now, I hope you will find peace without the phone calls. And I thank you for sharing an experience that many here have gone through or will go through before they find a healthier way to live too.

Hugs