First u have to ask yourself what do i really want? Being an alcoholic myself for 20 plus years, i was always trying to slowdown or taper off my alcohol. I too made deals saying i would only drink on occasion, or i will only have a few. Well after years of legal issues, broken promises, and a family that today is barely staying together because of my ******** episodes. I ask my self the same question about my wife.... But in a different way. After all these years how can someone of her purity, still love someone like me? This is a question i use to ask everyday. Till i went into a 30 inpatient rehab. There i learned to love myself, and try to forgive myself for the pain i caused my family. Then i could allow someone else to love me. So ask yourself... Can i let his past issues completely go? And be honest, don't worry about feeling bad or hurting him. He doesn't and i didn't feel bad eather. If you have a hint of hesitation towards the idea of forgiving him and moving on don't waste your life on it. You will have to completely forgive him. After he has years of sobriety under has belt. You have to remember us alcoholics wire our family's to feel sorry for us. So u will enable us. Feeling sorry or bad is enabling us. So stop! You didn't or don't deserve that burden. This addiction of our is only ours to own. Not yours.
His drinking in my opinion sounds more of a bigger issue than an iop program can give him. I feel inpatient allows both parties to separate and do some soul searching on their own. A lot of inpatient programs offer family week to give the significant other a blast into our alcoholic minds. This helps you understand why we do what we do. If you can talk him into it i suggest he go to inpatient. And if you do chose to stay get involved in Al-Anon. You need support and a program to work thru to rewire yourself. I hope this helps. Sorry if i am to strait forward, i just saw my wife almost die because of my addiction.
So ask yourself again.... Not if you love him but do u love you and your children.
Thanks