((((HUGS))))
Welcome to SR, asm. So many of us understand what you are going through. It's so hard because you went through hell for so many years and it's supposed to be all fine and everything if they decide to get help for their addiction. Sorry, but real life just isn't like that. You suffered for a long time and you are entitled to your feelings.
You have the right to take some time to decide what it is you truly want. Perhaps, in time, if he continues his recovery programs and gets help for the root cause of his addiction, the two of you can find a way to make things work. But, there is no guarantee, and you shouldn't feel guilty. Sometimes, by the time they wake up and start to try, it's just too late.