Guys I hope to reply to your reply's one by one. I realized it's not me who wants this misery to continue but my despicable addiction. God bless all and thank you for taking the time to comment to me. I am drunk now and regretful and I feel it is wrong for me to speak to you when drunk. I am so grateful for a site like this. Thanks guys for making me feel less alone. Us alkies share a deep bond for life. Take care beloveds.