I think that about sums it up. Now it is just a matter of you sticking to what you said.
As far as confrontation, I found w/my XAH when I would find a hidden stash I would put it on the table and not say a word. That said a lot more than anything I could have. No words necessary. He knew that I knew. He knew the consequences, that I had formed boundaries and planned to stick to them. I did not even have to say it.
I guess what I am saying is that I wasted a lot of time and effort harping about what he needs to do. When my focus changed to what could I do for myself and my kids, I changed too. That is when I stopped with the confrontations. It helped me not to waste my energy calling him out, yet for my own sanity still feeling like I did something.
Good luck to you. I hope she sees the light.
I always say, plan for the worst, hope for the best.