Originally Posted by
netta1966 
My concern is "choice" the alcoholic has which is my husband. He can make the choice not to drink on the nights he has VASAP, outpatient treatment, the next day and knows he has to blow into the ignition interlock to start his car. He chooses not to drink on Sundays when he goes to his AA meeting. ........... How can he make a choice not to drink on a certain day, but at the same time make a choice not to get sober.
My interpretation of this kind of scenario has been that he's not choosing to NOT drink on those occasions, he's simply choosing to
wait until later. It doesn't represent an ability or desire to quit, just to
delay it until specific events are over.
Many alcoholics maintain this illusion of control (as another poster pointed out) for years until at some point in the later stages when they lose the power of "choice" to the physical dependency.
He asks if I will go walking with him this evening and I know why cause he doesn't want to drink tonight. This makes me feel like if I say no then he will drink. I'm not responsible for keeping him sober because I can't. Why do I feel like this.
You already know in your logical, rational mind that you aren't responsible for him whether he drinks or not, but it's not always so easy to feel that same way in our hearts when we love someone. You guys sound pretty enmeshed despite being separated.... what do you do for YOUR recovery separate from him other than just living apart? Perhaps these feelings are a sign that you need more attention to your own recovery efforts instead?