HealthFirst

Hi All,

I am dealing with some denial and sadness. I feel like alcohol is a part of my life and I don't know if that's such a bad thing. Lots of people feel that way and don't have a problem - so I'm not sure if I'm blowing this out of proportion.

The reason I feel I need help is that when I start drinking, I often do so until I can't remember what I did or said. That makes me really hate myself the next day. The reason I don't feel I need help, is that I don't drink daily and this isn't the case all the time. I can often have 1 beer or a glass of wine without going overboard. I drink 1-3 times per week. Only 10% of the time, will I drink "too much". I don't want to quit because I feel like a glass of wine for an anniversary, or a pina colada by the pool during the summer is part of the experience of these types of events. But hell, maybe I'm just in denial.

I'm the guy that people know will be pouring drinks when I host a party. Nobody leaves my house sober!

I feel so ashamed to call myself an "alcoholic". And if I do end up getting help though meetings (i.e. AA), I don't know how I'd tell my wife, parents, siblings, friends, etc. While I can tell most of these people that I don't want to drink (when offered or I'm hosting), I would need to tell my wife that I'm going to meetings. As a father to her child and a husband that she looks up to for advice and to run the house, I feel like a complete failure if I tell her I've gotten to a point that I need help and need to leave family or work for meetings. Has anybody dealt with this type of shame or worry? If so, how did it turn out? How did you approach it?

So, what do I do from here? I really hate to quit cold turkey FOREVER. But it might be the only choice, like I did with cigarettes 10 years ago. There was no "occasionally smoking" and I assume there will be no "occasional drinking".

I'm so f***ing mad.