Originally Posted by
JimiH576 
So, if anyone is still with me this far along, I ask of you:
Please tell me that I will figure this mess out.
Please point me in some kind of direction. I know its "one breath at a time," but I cannot take it one breath at a time when I'm supposed to be establishing myself, becoming a man, finding a stable career, etc.
Yes, I'm with you this far, I read everything very carefully.
First, very sorry for your tragic loss. Proud of you for not seeking revenge. I can only think about your story on spiritual point of view, I hope it do not annoy you (and I think you seem to be open to it).
Yes, you will figure this out. Just takes time. Have to figure out what you have to learn from all of it. In a spiritual way.
I think you should focus on taking good care of yourself. Whatever it means. See, I have traumas too. Maybe not so terrible as yours, maybe worse. 10 years ago I found I was not able to work anymore. Still can't. Still taking care of myself. Yes I was supposed to get a "stable career, establish myself", people expected that, but I did what I could. People judge, expect things, people don't have a clue. So I try to live my life regardless of what I was supposed to be doing (have a job, have children, have normal life, have friends).
In my point of view, if one receives from "the Universe" material advantages and huge emotional/ psychological challenges, well it seems to me this person should not struggle to make money (career pressures, society pressures) because obviously he has enough to deal for now. Use material advantages to aid the emotional challenges. I live like that. No work, just healing one day at a time. Maybe I will never heal. But for me, to work is a heavy burden; for other people, working is essential to keep some mental health, so you have to see what applies to you.
Great thing you are doing on seeing a therapist. I do it too. About the catholic church, I risk saying you are best off it. Spirituality is a great thing, religion not so much (my opinion). But sometimes religion can work for some people (not for me anymore). Praying helps a lot. Meditation surely will help too... I also can't stick with it, it's difficult for everyone. You are not weak-willed, you are just human. Spiritual reading is a helpfull thing too.
As regard of taking good care of yourself, quitting pot and alcohol would be a huge step. Not easy though. But so much worth it. In a spiritual way too.
PM me anytime. Hang in there.