Hi and welcome Jimi
I'm sorry for the tragedy in your life. Trauma like that haunts us.
A lot of us turn to alcohol or other drugs to gain some respite.
Sadly for some of us occasional use becomes a reliance and that reliance becomes an addiction.
I lost myself for many years. To find myself again I had to get clean and sober first.
It's a leap of faith but it's not a very risky one - there are lots of success stories here.
You're young and obviously intelligent - you have everything going for you in this fight
I'm glad you're seeing a counsellor.
You'll find a lot of support and understanding here too
D