Four how are you today? I apologize if I came off harsh. I know how hard it is, just go through and read the stuff I have done. I overdosed on a holiday when I was the only one with my child. I also put my child at risk more times then I can count and don't want to do that anymore. All I can do right now is get to a meeting a day and pray to not pick up. I am thinking about you and know how hard the struggle is. There is help out there. Please seek help. we are here for you.