PAINLESS66

Day 48 and im feeling great. Alot of my staying clean has to do with my mental state and my need to keep myself doing the very best i can do. I thought this would honestly be a lot harder but due to the fact that i surround myself with good clean drug free people makes my life a lot easier. I will honestly say that i have no urges to use what so ever and when i think back to my first time in detox last year in january 2013 i didnt have any urges to use then either. I lasted almost 7 months and due to my stupidity and allowing a female to kinda break my heart i broke weak and didnt care about anything but wanting to numb my pain so i used... And i used and i used... I lied and i lied and i lied...i lied to myself the worst by telling myself ... Ill get clean tomorrow... Then when tomorrow came i would shoot up and tell myself... Ill get clean tomorrow... I had a great women at that time but i lied to her as many of you know from reading my past 48 days of posting... I lost her to my many lies and i deserved that loss. Im with another women now who loves me ten times to what my ex loved me but my heart is still in my exs hands and im very confused. The girl im with now says the only woman i can immediatley leave her for would be my ex... She actually really tried to guide me with womanly advice on how to repair the damage i did but if my ex wants nothing to do with me for lack of trust then im not gunna kick a dead horse. Im the kinda guy that for some reason everyone loves... I help everyone i can and never ask anything in return. My gift is not in the giving but in the smile i get back when i give any type of gift... Im very selfless and not materialistic at all. Now that im saving over $200.00a day on not buying drugs i found my own apartment and im furnishing it with beautiful things. I just bought a smart tv for $1600.00 dollars and a bedroom set for another $1200.00. I enjoy reaching into my pockets and finding hundred dollar bills verses worrying about the shot to come and the ones after that... Im no hypocrite so to say i will never use again would be to tell a lie... I cant tell the future but i can tell u this much.. I didnt use today and i have no plan on using today. Ill take tomorrow when it comes and i pray to god to guide me and keep me out of harms way. The only thing that can hurt me is me... I have big goals and i reach any goal i have ever set. Im writing a book on the story of my life called the lil drummer boy... Bet u its a nationwide best seller... Movie to follow will be amazing... Theres a tv show called "shameless" im very good friends with the drunk father on that show and hes pushing and pushing me for more of my lifes stories so with a connection like that id be a fool not to share my lifes craziness in story form... Gunna be famous... Only a matter of time... Happy 48 days to me...