FT

Is this a joke? Seriously.

You start out by saying, "I'm trying to be honest about my situation." then you end saying, "But I just noticed that I don't want to be totally honest."

I realize you were referring to talking to your therapist, but in reality your whole life is one big fat lie. I don't believe you are being honest here at all.

"The best thing I got right now is to pray for willingness" What? Are you kidding me? What is your child, chopped liver?

If you actually really have a kid, I have zero empathy for you.

If you really DO have a child, SHAME ON YOU -- what about that little human, who is learning all his/her coping skills from you? Children are very very aware of what we are doing, regardless of how well we think we hide it. Even if you use "in private," your coping skills become the model for your child. Your child never even needs to see your crack pipe to learn how NOT to cope from you.

But kids have no choice. The world they see around them becomes their "normal" and what they will seek to return to again and again as adults.

Put your child in your place, 10 or so years from now. Is this what you want for your child -- to be smoking crack and making all kinds of excuses why they continue to do so?

How will you feel then, knowing you could have stopped -- today, right now -- the inherited pattern of drug abuse you are passing down to your child?

Whenever I read posts from addicts who have small children, my heart just sinks, knowing this is the next generation of addicts we will have to try to "cure."

The "cure" is you.