Hello all!
I am unclear about what exactly dry drunk behavior is. Or maybe in my case it was just "under the influence of something" behavior.
Recently AH and I were supposed to meet for lunch with our oldest son. I had taken the day off, had a few appts, was out running around when my DS asked me if I could stop by where he and his father were (little history AH and I are separated because of AHs admitted, but not doing anything about, drinking problem, and his denial of a gambling problem as well). I told my son that if his father was under the influence of anything, I'd rather not come by, but DS persisted and I went by. Clearly AH was not himself. I of course asked if everything was ok, and he assured me he was fine, but he clearly was not. I've been in al anon for quite awhile and knew there was nothing I could do about it, DS had his own vehicle, so I wasn't worried for his safety (he's 20), so I said goodbye, and we firmed up our plans for lunch later since DS wanted to discuss college plans for next year with both of us together. Anyway appointed time rolls around, DS and I are both there, wait about 15 minutes, and decide to go have a nice lunch regardless of absent AH. Several hours later, get a text from AH saying he thought lunch was off. WTH?!? All of our last parting words were that we were going to meet up. I just let it go with a whatever in my head.
Fast forward, it has been a few days, he's been NC with all of us (generally a sign of guilt from past experience), and then he just shows up at the house this morning, walks in, pours himself a cup of coffee, and is sitting at the kitchen table when I get out if shower, acting as if it's no big deal. I asked what he was doing here, he replied he was out if clothes and came by for some ibuprofen. ???? I asked what happened on Wednesday, and says " nothing, why?" I remind him of the events, he shrugs and says he "didn't drink or take anything" so why are DS and I bugging him about it. What? I just nodded and walked away to get ready for work.
WTH??? Is that dry drunk behavior? Or is that just denial? The parameters of our separation were that we each needed to focus on our own recovery, and I am trying really hard to mind my own business, and honestly wouldn't have cared if he had just stood me up for lunch, but since DS has specifically asked both of us to meet, I find I'm a little agitated. My part in all of this is having expectations about reasonable behavior from a parent.
I guess I'm just confused! Someone who is working "his program" as he claims to be should be more aware ( another one of MY expectations, I know
)
Thanks for allowing me to get this off the proverbial chest.
