Originally Posted by SadWife7

"The wife is supposed to obey the man"
And the husband is supposed to love & cherish the wife & family.
No one should have to obey anyone. If I have to obey my husband then he has to no longer be an addict-Not possible.
Sorry, but, I have a really hard time with that idea. A marriage should be a partnership between equals. My 2 year old has to obey me. My husband tells me I have to have do all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc as well as work full time...I say F*ck you. I don't tell him what to do, he doesn't tell me what to do. We can discuss things we want from each other & our relationship as equals. I'd rather be loved & respected than treated like a queen. If he treats me like a queen it's because he is doing something shady & wants to feel better about his own wrong actions.

Anxious, I am sorry for your situation. My husband is almost 2 months sober, and I have a lot of fear for the future. Right now things are going okay, thankfully. So I don't have any advice. I stayed with my husband despite believing that I probably shouldn't- I want to honor my vows and give him a chance. If we don't work out, I want there to be no regrets on my end that I didn't try to make the marriage work. However, if he falls back into active addiction, lying etc, that is my boundary line. I can accept relapse if he is honest & doesn't continue to use. We have a son & another child on the way, and I don't feel like an active addict in the house is healthy for any of us.
I really only posted because I was so angry at the last post on the thread. Although good points were made about the possibility of carpal tunnel being the problem.
And I do agree that spending hundreds on drug tests seems like too much. However, I am very fiscally tightfisted, and I also know that he could fake any drug test I gave him if he knew it was coming, so I personally would not waste the money on a regular basis. It is not something I won't do, but he will not be expecting it if I ever feel the need to, so my hope is that it would be accurate.