misskitty---you ask if other marriages have this level of dysfunction--my honest answer is that healthy and happy ones do not.
Yep. About two and a half years ago I had a bottle of vodka in the freezer for a Pinterest date night idea (I didn't know my husband was an alcoholic, he did all of his drinking in secret) and a week later when I went to use it the bottle was frozen solid. My husband drank the whole bottle and replaced the vodka with water, like he was some teenager or something. So yes, we're dysfunctional like that too but…I'm in therapy and my husband is in therapy and doing a bunch of alcoholism recovery related stuff. Things are markedly improved for us. And I highly recommend all of the stickies. I actually found them more helpful than Co-depedent No More.