I completely understand. Just try not to make up all sorts of bad scenerios in your head. See what he says and go from there.
I am quite worried for you and the wellbeing of all the children. It is sort of like the airplane thing, you put the breathing mask on yourself first so you can help others. If you are not in a good place how can you take care of them?
Please take good care of you. Don't try to control what you cannot.
XXX