Paulos - it is only the end of the line if you let it be. It sounds like you need to reach out and call a crisis line, or find the phone line that is listed here on SR. I see you joined January 2007. I cannot imagine drinking after you have been sober for this long...and ready to give up? I will keep you in my prayers - and know you can pull out of this. Keep us posted, because if I have learned one thing on this website, we the SR community do care!