Hey Charlee - I didn't have time to write a longer response the other day, just a quick welcome back. I was thinking about you and I wanted to say, please don't feel bad about not posting or question whether you belong here. We all get it, we've all been there in one way or another. Really I think we alcoholics burden ourselves with enough guilt over our drinking, we don't need to add anymore to it. I remember after one of my relapses, questioning whether or not I belonged on this thread - I think it was Nomis who said the Novies are like the mafia - once your in, you're in for life! And as veryready said, we're all in this together. I'm glad you're back and that burdens are lifting. Sounds like you're doing well.
I can relate to alot of what you're feeling this time. Acceptance was key for me as well. I spent a long time before I ever joined SR making deals with myself and questioning whether I really had a problem. As things progressed, I knew I had a problem, I found SR but still struggled with relapses. I could go for a period of time but when stress overwhelmed me I just couldn't seem to deal with life without drinking. I didn't know how. Also my expectations of sobriety were all wrong. Simply not drinking was not going to suddenly make life easy and take away all my problems. I had to accept that life was life, there would always be ups and downs, and that I had to face it without drinking, no matter what. I kept trying and one day it finally clicked, I was done and it was a relief. I still have to work at it, but it feels different and easier this time, so I get what you're saying. If you ever need support, please reach out, I'm here every day.
Nomis - so proud of you for showing that minibar who's boss! As for "coming out", I bet you'll know when it's the right time and when it's the right thing for your sobriety. I'm not sure I ever will open up about it to my family and friends. You all know more about my struggles and the depth of my problem than even my husband. For now I'm comfortable with that, some day I may feel it's time, we'll see.
veryready, sazzle and everyone else...hope you are well. I'm thinking of all you!