I posted this on another thread and my thoughts came back to this one...
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Please don't lie to your kids. Kids are very adaptable and accepting. You can let them know he died from a disease, from alcoholism. It is a chronic, progressive disease that affects the brain and the body. That doesn't change that he loved them and you very much. The disease took him away and took his life.
IMO, that gives him a lot of respect. You can still talk about the good things.
It doesn't take long before kids grow up and then stories come out and lies are uncovered, or they may overhear things before that. Then what was the truth and what else were they lied to about? Having a firm base in reality and knowing they can trust you to be honest with them is very important. With him being your youngest child's father, it's very important for them to know the truth about this. That does NOT mean he was a bad person. Many very wonderful people suffer from this horrible disease. (((hugs)))
My husband's father was an alcoholic who died young. That didn't make him any less loved by anyone in the family. They still talk about him and it's always the good stories, yet it is never hidden that he had this disease that's also affected many of the kids and grandkids. The more we learn, the stronger our family will become.
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I need to live an honest, authentic life. To honor my husband's father, our children's grandfather who they never knew. To be able to talk about this, when it's appropriate or needed. That also honors our children and our extended family. When I ignore the drinking, when I get wrapped up in being the outcast, I'm not being authentic. Who I am is OKAY.
What are appropriate responses to others telling stories about being drunk?