Originally Posted by
KeepinItReal 
Yet, I did just call the supervisor - left a message and asked him to call me back. I'm going to bring up my concerns.
His reasons for feeling that he should leave is that he knows he's never going to relapse again... and he's going to be fine. That's the best he has. It's cocky... and screams failure. UGH.
it makes it even harder when his parents accuse me of being un-supportive. I did stick up for myself and they had no response. I back him up 100% but not when he's basically screaming (i'm going to fail).
I guess they feel i'm being un-supportive is because i'm not going to the annual banquet bc I don't feel like sitting through someone telling me how much they don't want to be there. I texted them and offered them my ticket for free... since they have not bought there's yet. I was answered with .... if you change your mind... we are still going to buy our tickets on Sunday and still go to be there to support him during his rough time.. and they know it's rougher on me. UGH. Maybe - I was oversensitive to the comment.. and read into it...
I guess I just feel like I have supported him so much... and now... i'm being what?? un-supportive.. ????
I think you should use the resources available to help you put all this in place, calling the supervisor was a good idea.
I wanted to ask what your H reasoning was but I was afraid to ask. Do you think its all his AV pushing him to leave? Is there something about the program he has trouble with ? Back when my H left rehab they wanted him to continue outpatient. He did it for around a month and said no more. I was upset about it because of course the rehab was recommending it. He felt like because he had been in rehab for all those months he already knew what they were teaching and could work better alone in counseling. The real problem was he hated the group work, talking and sharing with others ! He hated it. The other thing was he had this desire to get back to work and that one was valid. I was thinking does your H have a plan? He wants to leave, assume wants to come home, does he have work still? What is his rush to leave? Is it missing his son and the diagnosis you got recently, is there any logic to it?
I hope my comparisons are not annoying, but your H is in this long term program so it must have stages? it sounds like he is stuck in whatever stage, is it because he isnt doing the work or his attitude? I think that part is where I see a tie to my husband. When he went back to work they gave him not a lot of heavy work. He whined and complained and was miserable. He had stress because he wasnt getting what he wanted in his time, and of course seeing him acting like that only served to convince them he wasn't ready for more. He had some light bulb go off and realized this is his current challenge. He has to deal with not having a lot to do at work, with the feelings come with it, what he felt was being underutilized, not respected. THOSE were the actual life challenge he needed to work on, not the work itself because he was capable of doing it all along. I dont know if you H see's it in a similar way? If he makes it past this hurdle can he look forward to what comes next?
His parents probably dont see all you do, they dont have the same conversations, the same exact worries. You share a lot of the same emotions and fears but its also a 180 if you know what I mean. I had to bite my tongue a lot with my MIL and write some off to she's on a different plane / realm in all this than me.
Were you looking forward to going to the banquet? It sounds like fun except for his attitude. Getting dressed up, a nice place, good meal, and probably it will be a positive environment. Would it be of any value to you IF he kept his complaints turned off? Is there a way to turn his negativity off and still find a way to enjoy the event for YOU?