Hi everyone...blast from the past here. I finally got the courage up to log back in and post something. I occasionally read this thread but wasn't at a place I felt I could post. But, I think I finally am. I'm sober again and it's different, or at least I believe it is. I had one of those moments of clarity where I truly accepted that I cannot control my drinking and I surrendered to that. Since then, it's been easier for me.
I started drinking again last year after I went on vacation in February last year. I told myself I could handle it. And I guess I did for a time. I soon got back to a bottle of wine a night, often more. I hated myself more than ever. And I should have come back here and been honest and gotten support, but I did not.
You are all a very inspiring group. I'd like to come back and post here if that's okay. I won't run away again. I'll write more later...my mom is coming in to visit and I have to run to the store.
Best to you all.