(Mods: Please feel free to delete if this violates the board rules although it is somewhat related to recovery.)
Dear SR,
I am happy to announce that I have passed my qualifying exams and that I am now a PhD candidate aka ABD status! I am now finished with all of my PhD program requirements except the dissertation! I'm *almost* a Doctor of Philosophy, y'all!
I cannot express how AMAZING this feels! I'm the first person in my family to go to college and I am the daughter of immigrants who only have elementary-school education. I didn't even know what a PhD was until a professor at my college encouraged me to continue to graduate school. Now, here I am!
Three years ago, I took the biggest step of my life and moved my son and I away from my family and my hometown. We moved seven hours away and I didn't know ANYBODY in this new area. While I was excited for my new life and new career path with this PhD program, I was also heart-broken because my son's dad (my XABF) and I had broken up since I found out he was cheating on me. (I found out later he was cheating pretty much our entire relationship, even when I was pregnant. It was almost soul-breaking. I was willing to accept anything to be with him and be a "family" with our son, but as we all know, this is impossible with an A and it gets worse over time---but I was still crushed when it was over. I felt abandoned and alone, especially in this new town by myself.)
Even though we had broken up, my XABF also moved to the new town to be near our son. However, his version of "parenting" was dropping by unexpectedly at my apartment for maybe 5-6 hours a week. I was so desperate that I convinced myself it was better than nothing----even when he showed up hungover or smelling strongly of alcohol or canceled numerous times because he was "hungry" or "didn't feel good."
The bombshell came when I found out he married the woman he cheated on me with. That finally seemed to be my rock bottom. I went to counseling, found SR, read a bunch of Al Anon books, and came to understand what it means to be an ACOC (my dad is an alcoholic) and the true nature of my twisted and emotionally abusive relationship with my XABF. Although I thought the pain would never pass, it has.
I am still recovering, day by day, most days are good but every once in a while despair and lonliness sets in. I try to steer clear of my "stinking thinking" but I now have tools and resources to work on myself, to love myself, to enjoy life, to parent my son and grow together with him.
Here I am now, as a single mom PhD candidate! It has been a hard road (lots of stress, work, and TEARS---so many tears!) but I look forward to bright future I am building with my son each and every day and savoring the present and its unlimited possibilities.
Thank you, SR! One day at a time!
Love,
Butterfly2013
