I try to treat my XAH with respect. I try to treat everyone the way I would like to be treated. To me, detaching with love, is respectful. It doesn't mean that we sometimes don't have uncomfortable conversations (like when I have to cancel his access with the kids because he's drunk), but it does mean we move on afterwards. It doesn't mean that I like the bad choices he makes, but it does mean I don't let it affect me. Am I disrespected by him and others sometimes? Yes. So, I adjust my boundaries as needed to protect myself.