Raider,
You are growing so much these past few months and is reflected in your posts. I think some peoples addictions take them far past their own moral code. I do not believe that who my XAW is now is who she really is anymore. I knew her before she started drinking and want to believe that is who she really is not what she has become. I do believe this is a family disease and how we codependents respond usually contribute greatly to the problem. I have done and said things in anger that I deeply regret. I told my ex once to go ahead and pour some alcohol down her throat and destroy some more families (and she had through infidelity) because that is what she does best. I knew when I said it that it would hurt her and that is just cruel. I know the root problem is the alcoholism but my response was immature and hurtful. Yes the family does hurt and sometimes really bad but most of us (not all) have the ability to leave. Sometimes we choose to stay because we are getting something within us filled even if we do not want to admit it. In my case it has taken me quite some time and distance to see things for what they really are. I can tell you that the RA's that I meet at open AA meetings are some of the best people I have ever met. Their understanding of the addiction, devastation surrounding it and compassion for the people impacted by it has been a huge part in my healing.