Originally Posted by
embraced2000 
I respect a rattlesnake, tiger, bear, and other things that could cause harm to me. they amaze me, but I respect their power, abilities, and danger. so I look at them from a distance but don't get in their way because i'm aware they could harm me.
same with the alcoholic that was in my life.
respect is not something that is demanded.....it is earned.
I learned through al-anon to respect my XAH decision to drink....that was his choice. i then had to decide if i wanted accept his decision to drink and how that affected my life.
most importantly, i lost my own self respect during the struggle to keep our relationship intact.
working my own program of recovery helped me regain my self respect and to save myself.
i respected his choice to continue how he wanted.
hope this makes some sense to you....it's a difficult question to try to answer.
This really expresses my feelings better than I could articulate. Thank you! To own my part I related to him in very destructive ways as a result of all that and I would not want to repeat that in another relationship. Leaving earlier would have been kinder to both of us but hindsight is 20/20.
I am separated from my ex and really never talk to him anymore. He reaches out in a lame way once in awhile and I ignore him. I feel bad about that sometimes but honestly, I just don't have the energy to be nice anymore and I don't have it in me to re-visit that relationship. It is sad and in my past now. I also do not trust myself to not try and 'fix' a bunch of things if I get to close so I stay clear. Specifically the relationship (or lack of) between the boys and him. I want to fix that for the boys, not for him, but it isn't my relationship to fix.
Currently I have respect for his struggle with alcoholism, his recovery (which he is in I think) and his ongoing struggles with his anxiety. I have no respect for other choices he's made when it comes to where he lives, his lack of parenting, his lack of child support, etc.