hang onto hope
Its been a long time since I have posted, but I feel compelled to update my situation. The divorce was hell, as I expected it to be. Custody is 60/40 and he pays very little child support and nothing for the extras.He moved on, but continued to try to control me through the kids. I try to have very little contact with him. I try not to react when he tries to manipulate me through the kids. Sometimes that is difficult - he knows the buttons to push.
Btw, its very difficult to prove abuse to a judge in this state. Unless your child has documented bruises, the judge doesnt want to hear it.Emotional abuse counts for nothing. I tried getting my records from a domestic violence counselor over several months to bring to the judge. She would not return my calls and was not available when I went to the shelter to get them. The counselor I had the boys going to sent in a statement agreeing with the 60/40. So I had nothing to give to the judge.The ex having this much custody was a real fear of mine if I left and it became reality. He has not touched them since he was jailed years ago, but the mind games continue. Once, he raised his fist to my middle son, age 16 at the time. Since then, he refused to visit his father and I refused to force him. It became a battle.Hes now 18 and visits on his own terms, which is not very often. I still have a younger teen who follows the 60/40 time sharing. Most times, hes okay with it (when things are calm), occasionally hes not.
I learned through this process that my ex was not just a dry drunk and abuser. He is narcissistic. My kids now understand how to deal with him and 2 of the 3 can walk away if need be. He has lost most of his power over us. The boys and I are on our roads to recovery and are very happy.