moving on
Hi all...I survived the Easter weekend. Brunch was the worst as my dad's girlfriend (who I like and I know she means well but she does not get it at all) said some things that really stung. I had shared with her some of what was happening and she said at brunch how I look like I'm doing a hundred times better and I just said "actually, no I'm not" and just about burst into tears. Then she told me maybe I need anti-depressants and I can't keep going on like this. Then she asked me to join a bike group with her every monday and I said, well maybe I can do that occasionally but I can't commit to every monday and she said "no, you need to do this...you need to be active"...blah blah blah. Actually I am quite active and right now I am trying to cut my obligations not take on more...LOL Dinner at my mom's was better as I got to talk with some of my cousins who know nothing and therefore did not bring anything up.
I am finally not crying as much. It still happens daily but not usually at work anymore at least. And I am feeling more at peace then I did. It's been about 6 weeks now. I've been doing no contact for a week. But we have not spoken in the whole 6 weeks - just by text. And I stopped that too now.
I still have this overwhelming need to want to know how he is doing and if he is miserable (I hope he is). Isn't that awful? But I won't contact him now. I am pretty good with no contact once I decide to do it. But I am dreading when he will contact me. I just hope I can be strong and not get sucked back in if he begs me to take him back. It has happened so many times. Sometimes months later.
And as I mentioned in prior posts he most likely definitely will be contacting me at some point because he left all of his power tools, his bike, his boat stuff, golf clubs, tool cabinets, personal documents, family pictures etc. which I know he will be coming back for but I just don't know WHEN. So it's constant anxiety.
What do you guys think? Part of me wants to set a date and say if the stuff is not gone I'm getting rid of it. Because then I don't have to worry about WHEN. But part of me just wants to avoid all contact until I am emotionally stronger and I also don't want to seem like I'm using it as a reason to see him.
Other than the anxiety of him contacting me about his stuff, I am starting to feel more at peace and trying to stay positive.. I found a new therapist and she is GREAT..I am so grateful to have found her. I am seeing her again this saturday. This saturday I am also attending a gala fundraiser that I was supposed to attend with XABF (we had the tickets already) but now I am going to attend with a friend instead. Going to get my hair and makeup done and the whole 9 yards just like I had planned. Also took friday off and going to clean my house top to bottom which I have not done since he left and also going to just have a "me" day.
My therapist wants me to go to al-anon this week also. I'm going to try and make it.